After Game 7, Bernie Sanders to Warriors: “You have no...

Sports | gavrischreiber | June 20, 2016

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After Game 7, Bernie Sanders to Warriors: “You have not lost yet.”bernie cavs
OAKLAND — When Steph Curry and the Warriors returned to the locker room after their devastating game 7 loss at Oracle Arena on Sunday night, they found Senator Bernie Sanders hoping to inspire the Finals runner-ups.


“It’s still not over!” cried the democratic candidate for president. “Its been a hard-fought series and everyone is saying you lost, but you need to go out there and keep fighting. Times may look tough, but these fancy schmancy millionaires with their fancy Nike shoe deals don’t represent REAL Americans. Real Americans will make do with plain old pediatric shoes–like the new Chef Curry’s.”


Said Steph Curry in a later interview: “I had always thought that losing 4 games meant the series was over. I mean, it’s mathematically impossible to win at that point, right? But Bernie really struck a chord with me and the team. I know now that these finals still aren’t over–and if my teammates can help me, we’re gonna go out there and defend our title.”


The speech reached a crescendo as Sanders cried, “Ignore the biased media! Ignore the critics! Ignore the undeniable facts! We are gonna go out there and we are gonna fight, and we are gonna WIN THIS THING!!”


With a fierce battle cry, the players rushed out of the locker room, through the tunnel and back onto the court where the confused Cavaliers were still taking pictures with their trophy.