6 Things You Can Totally Steal From Your Roommate

Millennials Only! | Adam Goldberg | April 18, 2016

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6 Things You Can Totally Steal From Your Roommate

Whenever you want to take your roommate’s stuff, it’s always key to abide by these principles, otherwise you’ll be caught. And trust me, the LAST thing you want is bad blood with someone you live with.

1) Lighters 

Let’s be real, you already do this. 

2) Peanut Butter 

I know it’s their peanut butter, but what are they gonna do if you take 1 or 2 or 13 scoops of peanut butter. And if you’re gonna take peanut butter, take JIF. Don’t steal store brand peanut butter like a bum. 

3) Body Wash

If you go to Maryland, let’s be honest, your feet probably smell like Big Foot’s gooch. Fix this by pouring your roommate’s body wash all over the shower floor. Coat a layer of soap all over the floor and don’t stop until it’s completely covered. Your feet will be clean, and, best of all, your roommate won’t have a clue!

4) Drugs, alcohol, and Cereal

I grouped these things together because let’s be honest, they’re all addicting. Chances are, your roommate takes A LOT of medications, aka pills on pills. They don’t need all of that. Most students will just take Adderall from their roommate. 

Break away from the pact! Be different! 

I grab whatever I can get my hands on: pills and capsules of all different colors and sizes. Just like when eating Starbusts, I don’t discriminate. I’m lookin at you, yellow starbursts. 

5) Cash

If you wanna take some cash from your roommate, who cares? 

You’re not a criminal if you borrow $50 from your roommate’s wallet; you’ll give it back. You’re not a murderer geez.

If you feel a little hesitant about following through on any of these tasks, just remember: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. 

6) Their Life

If your roommate has ever let you borrow their car, I’m sure they’ll be totally cool with you buying them gas. Remember the $50 you borrowed from their wallet? You’ll need that. Fill up their gas tank and then fill up a large Fiji water bottle with gasoline. Technically, you can use any water bottle, but it works best with a Fiji water bottle

Gently drizzle the gasoline all over your roommate’s room while they sleep. Avoid pouring it on their eyes for sensitivity purposes. 

Then, remember that lighter you’ve been borrowing? After this easy stunt, that’s your lighter now. 

If they freak out, they’re overreacting. And plus, they’ll never know it was you.