Man Driving Car With Spoiler and Loud Engine Has Decent-Size...

US and World | Jon Orbach | April 14, 2016

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Man Driving Car With Spoiler and Loud Engine Has Decent-Sized Penis

Screen Shot 2016-04-14 at 9.16.30 PM

BURTONSVILLE, MD—After zooming past a stop sign in a local neighborhood with complete disregard for everyone around him, Honda Prelude-driver Austin McNair was found to actually have a decent-sized penis, authorities said.

“It’s truly bizarre,” said local policeman Sean Finch. “Usually when we pull these kinda guys over and check their penises, they’re a lot smaller than this one.”

Finch and his precinct are in the process of investigating the cause of the abnormally large reproductive zucchini.

“It’s an enigma to us. The girth is just so much larger than your average speedster’s. And the length—OH MAN,” Finch said in a press conference. “Usually iRuler Lite on the precinct’s iPhone 4 is a sufficient means of measurement, but not this time.”

McNair, although flattered, seemed bewildered by the whole process.

“I just don’t understand why they needed to put me under anesthesia,” McNair said. “I woke up seemingly hours later, without my belt, in the back of a cop car.”

No injuries were reported. Updates to follow.

“No homo,” Finch added.