Report: Honor Pledge Actually Prevents Student from Cheating
COLLEGE PARK, MD—Sources revealed earlier this week confirm that sophomore Eric Mercer was unable to cheat on his Accounting II midterm because he had signed the Honor Pledge.
Said Mercer, “I just don’t know. I went to look at my neighbor’s answer sheet, and then I remembered that I signed the pledge. I signed it. I knew there was no way that I could cheat now.”
Ever since its implementation in 1975, the Honor Pledge at UMD has had extreme, unprecedented, and some might even say ludicrous success at stopping the nefarious, cheating designs of dishonest students all across campus. Data from the Office of Academic Conduct shows that exactly 0% of students who sign the Honor Pledge proceed to cheat on a given exam. Mercer was no exception.
Although Mercer knew about his exam four weeks in advance and had ample time to prepare, multiple witnesses confirmed that Mercer was spotted at several College Park bars on the Friday, Saturday, and the Sunday nights leading up to his 10:00 AM exam Monday morning.
When asked to comment, a distraught Mercer said, “Yeah, I just wanted to get turnt [sic] and have a good time, you know? Get titty-litty with the bros. I mean, I’ve been to, like, every other lecture, so if I just cheated a little I thought I’d be good. I just totally, totally forgot about the Honor Pledge. Obviously, I can’t cheat if I sign it. I’m such an idiot.”
Mercer’s professor expressed that this situation is all too common.
“How are students going to cheat if I have them sign a statement pledging on their honor that they won’t cheat? It’s just stupid to think you can get around that,” said Mercer’s Accounting II professor, who wished to remain anonymous. The professor hailed the pledge as “flawless and airtight” when it comes to stopping cheating, “a sentiment shared by all faculty across campus.”
Due to the 100% efficacy rate of the Honor Pledge, UMD is looking to integrate the pledge into other aspects of the school’s administrative duties, including the hiring of all university-affiliated personnel. In lieu of background checks, personnel will now have to sign a version of the Honor Pledge where by they shall swear on their honor that they are “good guys” and “have never, ever done bad things.”