Freaky: This Woman Can’t Even

Millennials Only! | Corey Rennolds | April 5, 2016

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Freaky: This Woman Can’t Even


Meet Sara Weinberg. Upon first appearances, Sara seems like a pretty normal 20-year-old woman: she attends the University of Maryland as a sophomore English major, she enjoys playing tennis and going out with her friends on weekends, and she volunteers once a month with the Montgomery County Humane Society. She also calls her parents once a week, maintains a healthy diet, and hopes to one day teach 19th-century American literature to underprivileged children. From the looks of things, Sara is by all accounts your average college student.

However, Sara also suffers from an incredibly bizarre disability—she literally can’t even.

Isn’t that crazy? Sara discovered at a young age that, much to the amazement of her friends and family, she literally could not. Doctors were baffled upon finding out that, no matter which treatments they attempted, there was just no way that Sara could even.

Weird, right? That’s absolutely insane!

Sara must live every day with this burden. School, especially, is a struggle, when Sara frequently can not upwards of fifteen to twenty times a day. Only a truly brave soul could put up with that day after day, year after year. Would you be able to? I probably couldn’t. Sara has no choice; now matter how much she may want to, she just can’t.

Doctors were baffled upon finding out that, no matter which treatments they attempted, there was just no way that Sara could even.

A typical day for Sara might go as such: first, Sara will sleep through her morning alarm, because she forgot to take her phone off of silent mode. When she finally jolts out of bed in a panic, she already can’t even. Sara will hastily get dressed, not noticing that she’s wearing mismatched socks, wolf down a cup of Chobani strawberry yogurt, and sprint to her first class. Upon arriving, nobody is there! Sara will then notice that she missed an email from her professor—class has been canceled for the day. Then, like clockwork, Sara seriously just can not. And that’s just the morning!

The remainder of Sara’s day will involve multiple instances of avoiding contact with acquaintances in the hallway, because she literally just can’t right now, and standing in lines in the dining hall that move so slowly that Sara is afraid that she’ll be unable to keep from screaming to the world how much she just can’t even anymore. Still, despite this nightmare of an existence, Sara continues to live and breathe. What a hero.

Maybe you know someone like Sara. Maybe you, too, know someone who, regardless of how hard they try, just can’t even, ever. Be nice to anyone you know like this. Take some time out of your busy schedule every once in a while to remind them that at least one person cares about them despite their debilitating condition—because, someday, it might just be you who literally can’t anymore.

Article by Corey Rennolds @CoreyRennolds.