Paranoid Stoner Thinks Everyone In Precinct Is a Cop

US and World | Hugh McFarland | April 4, 2016

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Paranoid Stoner Thinks Everyone In Precinct Is a Cop

COLLEGE PARK, MD–University of Maryland student and pothead Terrence Walter reportedly embarrassed his friends Saturday evening when he mistook the employees of the local police precinct for police officers. According to witnesses, Walter, upon being led into the building in handcuffs, erroneously assumed that the people processing his arrest for possession with intent to distribute a Schedule I controlled substance were in fact police officers. The Rival spoke to Walter’s roommate, sophomore Simon Gunner, who was also at the scene.

Photo by Eugenia Lyakhova
Photo by Eugenia Lyakhova

“We were just chilling and smoking a few blunts, you know, when these dudes roll up in a car and say we have to go with them,” Gunner told reporters from the inside of a holding cell. “Terrence, being a paranoid little bitch, just assumed that they were cops. I was like, dude, chill the fuck out.”

Another friend of Gunner’s and Walter’s, sophomore Nicholas Loudon, agreed that Walter was “seriously overreacting” due to the fact that blunts are wrapped in tobacco, which Loudon believes “makes it legal in Maryland.”

Walter himself could not be reached for comment, but sources within the precinct said that he was last heard asking his friends if they thought the alleged law enforcement officials knew that they were high.