THE DOLLAR TREE HAS $1 PREGNANCY TESTS AND THEY’RE ONLY $1
Hey guyz, i’m Kayla. So on Saturday, I spent the night at the Dollar Tree in College Park just picking up a few items. The cashier had an eyepatch but I guess Halloween was 2 weeks ago and he forgot to take it off. I thought it was kinda cute.
Anyways, I do this thing with my friend Jess (if you’re reading this, txt me back) where I live-text certain events in my life. So far I’ve live-texted my first day at community college, that time my dad passed a kidney stone, my last day at community college (quitters are winners in the end) and my aunt’s funeral.
After my first live-text, Jess replied, “don’t do that again.” Hahah she’s a riot. Again, if you’re reading this Jess, txt me back!
2:06 am: Roll up to the College Park Dollar Tree in a Lyft
2:08 a.m.: Mimic an “open sesame” motion as the automatic doors open. Here I am.
2:08 a.m.: Double fist 4 Dollar Tree baskets and embark on the journey.
2:12 a.m.: Realize Easter candy is on sale.
2:12 a.m.: Contemplate the meaning of a sale at a dollar store.
2:13 a.m.: Begin to understand that if there’s a sale at a dollar store it must mean the item is free.
2:13 a.m.: Quickly look at cashier.
2:13 a.m.: Eat an entire jumbo-sized Reese’s then stuff garbage in corner on floor.
2:30 a.m.: Throw in the usual groceries (hair extensions, pool noodle, holiday themed greenware, etc.)
2:50 a.m.: Obtain a shopping cart
2:51 a.m.: Weave through every aisle of the dollar store on shopping cart like on Supermarket Sweep.
3:11 a.m. Put the shopping cart back and continue double fisting the four baskets of items. #gainz
3:11 a.m.: Question why there are children below the age of 5 at the College Park Dollar Tree past 3 a.m.
3:12 a.m.: Consider the lucrativeness of a day care in Dollar Tree
3:16 a.m.: Oh look, a piñata!
3:17 a.m.: Purchase the shit out of that Diego from Dora shaped piñata.
3:18 a.m.: Don’t buy candy for it. You’re dieting.
5:48 a.m.: You just woke up in the College Park Dollar Tree
5:49 a.m.: Order a Lyft home before checkout. #savingtime
5:52 a.m.: Make eye contact with the cashier.
5:54 a.m.: He blinked. Suckaaaa
5:56 a.m.: Walk towards cashier, then fake cry at self-checkout machine.
5:56 a.m.: Imitate voice of the self-checkout computer.
5:57 a.m.: Carefully scan the “Don’t miss out!” shelf next to the cash register to see if I missed anything
5:58: I don’t need chapstick, gum, batteries, ok yeah I don’t need of this shi—OMFG A $1 PREGNANCY TEST
6:00 a.m.: Punch the air in victory and reflect on the greatness of the “don’t miss out!” shelf
7:00 a.m.: AT HOME: watch old re-runs of “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant”
Jess txt me back please.