Republican Party Threatens Schism Between Racist Dipshits an...

Politics | Corey Rennolds | March 22, 2016

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Republican Party Threatens Schism Between Racist Dipshits and Bigoted Dumbfucks


CLEVELAND, OH—Political experts are beginning to believe that tensions over who should be the eventual Republican presidential nominee, regardless of a candidate’s performance in the primary process, threaten to divide the party between its racist dipshits and bigoted dumbfucks.

Many leaders of the GOP are reportedly becoming nervous over the possibility of current primary frontrunner Donald Trump’s ascension to nominee status. As a result, the party risks splintering into multiple opposing factions, including the hateful pricks, narrow-minded numbskulls, and obstinate shitbags who compose the bulk of party membership. The impending schism between the party’s intolerant dimwits and chauvinistic asswipes could lead to a brokered convention at the Republican National Convention, to be held July 18-21 at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, which would decide the presidential nominee without concern for the popular vote.

Registered, lifelong Republican Party member Marvin Foley, 44, told reporters that he generally sides with racist dipshits on whether to support Trump should he garner enough delegates to earn the nomination.

“While the bigoted dumbfucks are certainly entitled to their opinion, I think we ought to stand together and obey the will of the people no matter if they’d prefer a dipshit, dumbfuck, jerkoff, mouthbreather, or just a plain old moron in the White House.”

Republican leadership, including RNC chairman Reince Priebus refused to comment on whether they see a schism as an inevitability, but anonymous sources within the party did mention that well-respected names within the racist dipshit and bigoted dumbfuck blocs plan on dragging out this insipid conflict for as long as possible until a xenophobic piece of shit emerges whom everyone can agree upon.

Article by Corey Rennolds @CoreyRennolds. Image sourced from Disney | ABC Television Group.