The Best Bathrooms at the University of Maryland

UMD | Kofie Yeboah | February 29, 2016

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The Best Bathrooms at the University of Maryland

I took the pleasure of ranking the best bathrooms at the University of Maryland. Let’s get to the rankings, shall we?

Number 1: The Alumni Center

Porcelain Paradise is known to a select few.

If this beautiful bathroom had a slogan, it would be “Make pooping great again. The serenity of these stalls would make the Charmin Bears crap themselves with excitement. The black marble pattern behind each toilet is a true sight to behold. Legend has it that if you press the correct three marble blocks, it opens up a secret tunnel to the president’s house.

I have tried every possible combination, but to no avail.


Known to most students as “Porcelain Paradise,” the Riggs Alumni Center is home to one of the cleanest bathrooms at the University of Maryland. Just look at how clean that toilet is! Additionally, its 7 TPB (Toilets Per Bathroom) rate far exceeds the campus average of 4.2. Between classes, that statistic starts to really matter.

The Calm Before The Storm

Don’t just take it from me; read these testimonials from other students on campus!

“It’s really calm and peaceful. I come here every Wednesday night. It’s a great place to get away from my roommate.” – Weston Whitney


“Why are you interviewing me in the bathroom?” –  Burton Jaylin


“I’m poop-shy in my dorm, but Porcelain Paradise has been a great place of escape for me.” – Vincent Fitzroy



It’s the perfect place to beat that level on [insert iPhone game here], hear your thoughts, or even eat Chipotle if you want to cut out the middle man.

10/10 would poop there again.


Number 2: Every other bathroom

No other bathroom compares to Porcelain Paradise. Nothing.