Bernie Sanders Sinks Two Consecutive Free Throws to Win Unal...

Politics | Corey Rennolds | February 22, 2016

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Bernie Sanders Sinks Two Consecutive Free Throws to Win Unallocated Nevada Caucus Delegates

RENO, NV—When it became apparent in the final moments of Saturday’s Nevada state caucus vote that three Democratic Party delegates remained unallocated between candidates Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, Sanders needed to sink two consecutive free throws to win the delegates over to his side. He made them both.

After receiving the news of a deadlocked vote count in several precincts in the state in addition to some technical issues with voting machines, both candidates and their respective campaign staffs quickly made their way to the Lawlor Events Center at the University of Nevada in Reno. According to witnesses, Clinton and Sanders then approached at midcourt to shake hands and determine who would attempt their pair of free throws first. Clinton won the right to first try by merit of a two-of-three victory in roshambo.

Clinton reportedly prepared for her first shot with some quick calisthenics before stepping up to the free throw line. With a smirk betraying her confidence, Clinton heaved an underhanded ball clear over the backboard.

“I grossly overestimated the position of the hoop,” Clinton said to The Rival’s reporters afterwards.

On her second attempt, after a quick video review on her smartphone of how some of the most popular professional basketball players delivered free throws, Clinton adjusted her technique. A strained grunt signaled her now-overhanded shot, which bounced off the center of the backboard and into the hoop, nicking the rim ever so slightly.

“And that’s how the leading candidate does it,” Clinton reportedly said to Sanders whilst strutting proudly past her opponent on the sideline.

Needing to make both free throws in order to take the delegates, Sanders later told reporters that he felt “zero pressure.”

“I know what kind of shooter I am. I’m a straight shooter. I’ve been shooting the same way my whole career, and I know how to score points,” said Sanders.

Wasting no time, Sanders removed his suit and took the basketball from the referee assigned to the contest. Sanders then approached the line, bent his knees, dribbled the basketball twice, and looked upwards at the goal hoop. Sanders then made his shot, following through with exquisite form, according to witnesses. The ball dropped soundlessly through the basket.

“Swish,” said Sanders. “Nothin’ but net.”

The second successful shot, a seemingly-effortless backwards one-handed toss, elicited a thunderous applause from both parties. Clinton, humbled, respectfully conceded the match and the remaining delegates.

Both candidates now look forward to South Carolina’s Democratic primary held on February 27th. Any further ties have been agreed to be settled through a game of two-hand touch.

Article by Corey Rennolds @CoreyRennolds. Photo by Gage Skidmore.